Idol Schmidol

Tonight, I am sitting down with Mrs. Commish and her mother, Mother-In-Law Commish. Maybe I will get some good comments out of her if she can stay awake.

Looks like it is Sheryl Crow week. That could be a good thing. Oh wait. They aren't singing Sheryl Crow songs. Nevermind. Well if they can't sing the songs in honor of Sheryl Crow, maybe the stylist can make all of the contestants look like two-faces - kind of pretty in some light and kind of like Christopher Walken in other light.

James Durbin sings a 30 seconds to Mars song. "He just has too sticky-outie ears. He can't win with those sticky-outie ears"- Mom-in-law. I don't know who 30 Seconds to Mars is. The vocal mix is up really loud but it blends well with the sound of the 437 hi-fives he gave to the people in the crowd. In other news, JLo kind of looks like a grandma. The most beautiful grandma in the world - but still a grandma. James sounded a bit pitchy - but of course the judges are going to like it.

Sticky outie ears

Jacob "Wind-tunnel" Lusk is up next. "I hope he sings 'No Air'" - Mrs. Commish. She guessed it. How unfortunate is it for Chris Brown to have a song in his repertoire with that title? It goes well with his criminal record. "Jacob is making Jordin Sparks sound really, really good" - Mrs. Commish. It appears Jacob has added some dance moves to his arsenal. By dance moves I really mean different positions for holding up his fist. Randy didn't like it. I didn't either. "He is definitely a Luther Vandross" - Mom-In-Law.

Lauren Alaina sings a Carrie Underwood song. Sheryl Crow tells her to "stay put". Nasty-hair fiddle player is back - and I think he is wearing a garter on one leg. I think she sounded pretty good - better than the other two. "Lauren is in it, y'all" - Randy. "I think you're it" - Lips Tyler.

Scotty "The Body" is up next. I guess that is Ryan Seacrest's nickname for him. "You've got a big career ahead of you" - Sheryl Crow. She forgot to mention the career was as a MAD Magazine model. "Hugh Hefner's wives are back singing BGVs" - Mrs. Commish. I still can't get past the way he holds his microphone, but he was definitely entertaining. Country entertaining. Garth Brooks is country entertaining - and he makes me want to purge. "I swear to God I saw you dance with the devil tonight" - Lips. I have to give it to him - he is a good performer.

Haley is singing an unreleased Lady Gaga song. As the big surprise of the year, Haley is somehow possibly the best singer left in the competition. I thought she was the worst of the final 12. Shows what I know. Well, for her song to perform in front of millions of families, she chooses a song that talks about her doing it on the couch. Interesting. She definitely sang it well - but what is so great about that song? J Lo doesn't think the song was that special either. The judges all think it was risky. "I think you are one perfect song away from being the American Idol" - Lips. Perfect songs don't help you win American Idol. Just ask Melinda Doolittle.

James is doing his 2nd song. Wait - he is married with a kid? Shows how much I have been paying attention. This song makes him cry like a baby. I like that he isn't over-singing the vocal. It is simple and sounds pretty good - and is accompanied by some great pouty faces. He is pitchy - but he is crying on stage which usually covers over any mistakes. And he has J Lo smiling at him. That should make him feel better. "It was emotionally perfect" - Randy. "This competition is yours to lose" - Randy. "No it's not" - Mrs. Commish. "Your Emotions were incredible" - Lips.

For Jacob's 2nd song he is singing "Love Hurts". "His high range is like Maxwell - his low range is like Les Miserables" - Mrs. Commish. I have never been a huge fan of Jacob - but I think he sounded pretty nice at parts. I would like to take the few seconds of him screeching "It Hurts!" over and over again and use it for my ringtone. Who should the cameraman cut to in the audience between showing Jacob's last note and his family? Anthony Hopkins, that's who.

Lauren is back up with "Unchained Melody" by the "Ratches Bruthers". "When did she become cinnamon" - Mrs. Commish. It is hard to remember that she is so young. "She will be a big country singer once she loses her Catalina Barbie outfit" - Mrs. Commish. She sounded good on the big notes. I think Ms. Georgia should win this pageant tonight.

Scotty Mac is going to smirk out "Always On My Mind" for his second song. At the beginning I thought this was going to be a good song for him. I think it just showed that his voice wasn't that strong. He ended it with "You were always on my ... (sniff) ... mind". Apparently he is singing about cocaine. "You've just been taking us up and down the trail" - Lips Tyler. I have no clue what Lips is saying anymore - I am so glad that Paula reincarnated herself in this show.

"You saw her take on Lady Gaga, but what will Haley do with the animals?" - Ryan Seacrest. Gross!

Why is she singing "The House of the Rising Sun"? She starts a capella and sounds pretty good. Man - the vocal was really good but I still have a feeling that she might go home. She didn't cry or look pathetic or cute like the other 4 - which is usually what makes the difference. "The award for the best performance of the night goes to Haley" - Randy. "That song has never been sang like that before" - J Lo. So true.