Idol Schmidol

Ok folks. I am back in the driver's seat. Sorry I have been slacking so much this season. Actually, I am not sorry at all. This is American Idol we are talking about. Actually, not just American Idol - but a Fantasy American Idol league. Not that I am ashamed to have dreamed this up with friends 10 seasons ago, but I have to remind myself that sometimes actual work should come before fantasy reality TV. But that time is done. I can now return to my love of watching Jennifer Lopez ... ehrrmm ... I mean American Idol.

Tonight's theme is Music of the 21st Century. Songs from the last decade. But we learn as the night progresses that it really isn't songs from the 21st century. It is songs that are still around in the 21st century. That really narrows it down.

We start with a number from the past 6 folks voted off. Was Paul really the only boy voted off so far? The 5 girls voted off come out. For a second I thought it was a Battlefield Earth number with Naima leading the pack. When Paul joins the girls it is like those tributes for old singers - a bunch of young ladies dancing around a drunk guy who is singing off key in a fancy suit. "Naima looks like a child who has eaten too much chocolate" - Mrs Commish.

Tonight all of the contestants get to make fun of each other. We start with Scotty. Everyone makes fun of his microphone handling skills.  "Who doesn't want to hold their mic like a flute?" - Scotty. Imagine me in the back of the classroom with my hand raised enthusiastically. "Me. I don't want to hold me mic like a flute, Mr. McCreary." He sings the country hit, "Swingin'". I thought this was 21st Century music - this is an old song.  I love the way he takes it up a notch in the 2nd verse by going down an octave. Randy and JLo are kind of bored. I don't think this song has as much sexual innuendo as Steven Tyler thinks it does.

James Durbin sings "Uprising" by Muse. "He reminds me of the Labrynth David Bowie" - Mrs. Commish. I feel like we are at a halftime show at Medieval Times. "I think Randy is wearing a doilie" - Mrs. Commish. Steven Tyler describes the performance as "Mad Max meets stormtroopers on Melrose." Then he says, "You are going in a T Rex direction." "I think he means extinction" - Mrs. Commish.

Haley sings Adele's "Rolling in the Deep". Adele sounds much better. When did Randy become a French Maid?

Jacob - the Diva sings Luther. Why does every sentence in a Jacob Lusk song start with an "H". "HaDance with my father hagain". For singing a song about his dead father, Jacob still seems a little emotionally distant. He is totally checked out of this competition.

While I listened to the judges give their comments I couldn't help but think ... remember when Kara was the prettiest judge on the panel? If I were her, I would never come back to help judge for a night. Sitting next to the most beautiful woman in the world would secure Kara's spot as the Brian Dunkleman of the judges table.

Casey - everybody makes fun of him - that means he is one of the most likeable. He sings Harder to Breathe complete with a Tenacious D solo. I actually like this song and think he is doing a good job. He tops it off by staring down J Lo and totally embarrassing her by giving her a kiss. If being on American Idol means I can kiss Jennifer Lopez too, sign me up. "Casey's got soft lips" - J Lo. "You did what I've been trying to do for 4 months" - Lips Tyler.

Everybody says Stefano is a flirt. Big surprise. He sings a Neyo song. It was nice of Hugh Hefner's wives to join him on bgvs. It is OK - but I think he is getting a little too full of himself. You know what they say ... Pride goeth before Lauren Alaina.

All of the boys talk about how much Lauren talks. A southern teenage girl - what else should you expect? Lauren Alaina sings "Born to Fly" by Sara Evans and does a decent job. If I ever grew my hair out I would look like this fiddle player. The judges think that Lauren doesn't know her true potential - which might be true. So Jennifer leaves us all with this great advice for teenagers: "Get in the shower ... and see how far and long you can hold it". I am not sure what that means, but I think it has more innuendo than "Swingin'".

I am sorry. But she said it.

If you think that was off-color, just tune in tonight for Katy Perry.